Hillman City Haibun 4 (Sleep, Crackers)

January 29, 2015

It’s a toss-up for the best American Sentence this week. Yesterday’s pertains to a new health condition, or at least a new diagnosis. Today’s comes from a source who said she did not write it, but has made “the book” one previous time. That’s what some people say when they inspire one of my daily 17 syllable poems.

The Central Scrutinizer

The Central Scrutinizer

I was diagnosed Monday as having Sleep Apnea. According to the machine designed to determine whether one has the malady, I woke up 28 times during one hour of sleep Friday night, when I did the test. Risk factors include being male, overweight, obese, or over the age of 40; or having a large neck. I knew my fat neck would one day do me in. Finally having health insurance after essentially eight years without it does have its benefits and this diagnosis is the chief one so far during this period of reasonable health care.

So as I wait for the specialist to, first have a consultation and then the old “you-stay-here-overnight-while-we-attach-electrodes-to-you” plan, I am sleeping on my side and using what many consider the top alternative method of treating this disorder, acupuncture. Thanks goodness for 3rd Space For All community acupuncture, which I have written about before. And Lynn, the acupuncturist on Wednesdays, who has treated me before, has no doubt that I do have Sleep Apnea. I was taken aback by this declaration, and when I asked her how she knew that, she said: “I’ve seen you sleep.” And she would again.

1.28.15 – Go to community acupuncture for Sleep Apnea & promptly fall asleep.

* * *

And Doreen Mitchum has made the “book” before:

2.28.03 – Tonight Doreen Mitchum said: D.C.’s Hollywood for ugly people.

Colorless Snack

Colorless Snack

But she is a reader of this here blog and saw my story about being in a bar in Dania Beach, Florida, rooting for the Seahawks while everyone else in the bar was rooting for the Packers. To say I had the last laugh is an understatement. Growing up as a Bears fan, the 2015 NFC Championship game is salt I can rub in the wounds of Cheeseheads for decades to come. Doreen expressed disappointment I would use the pejorative “Cracker” for less-than-intelligent people in the southern United States, who sometimes get their hearts ripped out watching football games that do not end the way they’d hoped, but she set me straight.

1.29.15 – Doreen says: “Cracker’s not PC” – I should use: Saltine Americans.

Dania Beach Hospitality

Dania Beach Hospitality


  1. Kevin Miller

    welcome to the cpap world, darth. it’s beats the hell out of wrecking a good heart.

  2. kristin

    Hope the acupuncture does the job.

  3. Barbara McMichael

    Thanks to you and your muse Doreen for the 1/29 American sentence!

  4. kurt youenes

    alternative panacea
    a cure for
    sleep apnea or
    in and of
    a blissful
    and i
    it does
    the trick


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